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Dreamer-In-Shadows

I`m still here, as a ghost I am~
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Dreamer-In-Shadows

Moved on from here to Discord and Steam

4 min read

You all might´ve noticed by now that I´ve not been here for absolute YEARS (heck, my last Journal Update was in 2018 for cryin´ out loud, that´s before entire COVID-related madness that has unfolded for all of us as well as this new super-confusing Eclipse layout that dA is flustering itself with!) and, as a first thing to say, I´m really terribly sorry about it all. Real life has been more wild than seas are after a supervolcano eruption and due to all sorts of new stuff that had come even before 2020 hit us all in the mouth like a ton of bricks, the most significant ones being getting the then-brand new laptop, getting myself a Discord account profile as well as undergoing all good and bad things associated with being a newbie on another website and managing to get the sequel to SoM, called SoW (Shadow of War; mentioned it here because last deviations I´ve posted and talked about are of SoM), DeviantArt was put behind and slowly drifted away from my sight as years went by and I grew up into a young adult, now only 1 year before I enter my 30s. Nevertheless, even though I hadn´t been active here at all, I was still here, as my tagline says indeed. I saw every message, every favorite, every given badge ... and I´m grateful from the bottom of my heart that you all have still kept me in your minds as months and years marched on without a word from me as well as newcomers that had come check me up (and probably cringe as well as gawk at my gallery; that´s who I was all these years ago and I ain´t even gonna deny it. 😆😆🤭 ). Alas, now I can say without any doubt that this is the last time you´ll gonna hear from me when it comes to being here on dA. Life and time march on after all. Be of no worries though, I ain´t gonna deactivate anything. I´ll leave everything as it was and is all these years ago for you all to view, gawk and cringe. I´ll only use it the same way as I use my YouTube account, which is just for viewing stuff. If things get deleted or deactivated here, then you´ll know it´s the work of the website managers themselves and not me. Also, for all of you that were worried about me since the last journal entry, do not be. Now I´ve managed to pull myself together and my life is as good as it can possibly be at that time of year (because summer heat and all the shtick related to it), as after 2020, I got employed as well, which means obviously less time for hanging around anywhere, really, including gaming as well. You all can be relieved knowing that I´m doing just fine and dandy ... and like I said before, I really appreciate your comments and favorites and notes and stuff. I wouldn´t be who I am today without you all and I mean that completely sincerely. 🤗🤗🥰🤗🤗 If by any chance you all wish to keep contact with me beyond dA, then you can find me both on Steam (https://steamcommunity.com/id/xmehrunesgolddagonx) and on Discord, however, given the nature I´ve been subjected to in there (especially random friend invites from spambots), I won´t give you my Discord info here, as it´s too risky; have one of my other pals tell you it via Notes as well as make yourselves known via them (pals), so I don´t accidentally ignore you, if possible. So yeah, that´s that from me ... and I wish you all, every single one of you all, the very best lives you all can achieve and have. You all had been such great support and I´ll absolutely keep you all in my fondest memories. See you all on the other side. Methusi/Methi/Mathafrae/Spectra the Dragonwraith

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As another year of my life passes

6 min read
I admit, I don`t feel much better or worse than in the previous year when I wrote the entry as I was 23 years old for the 1st time, but this doesn`t mean that I`m better off than that year as well. Not only did doctors found out that I have an autoimmune disease that is slowly destroying my thyroid gland (and thus dooming me on taking supplements for thyroid hormones for the rest of my life), thanks to binge-playing Shadow of War and interacting with other players of this game that I became friends with as well as with the creators of it themselves via Twitch chat, I`m not in here as much as I used to be (as well as losing some very good friends over this as well that I doubt would ever wish to come back because well ... just look what I have become. You can believe me when I say that I`m not liking myself at all). I can only hope that many of you people, but especially my friends, that aren`t gamers and are watching me just for the sake of my art as well as journal entries understand this kind of addiction, since the game is really good and the stories that you can get via it are unlike anything I`ve ever seen in the entirety of my lifetime (and I`ve been here on this world since 1994, thus I saw quite a lot of stuff both in real life and in videogame industry). No worries regarding my art tho, since I`m still drawing from time to time and just to prove that to you, here is the most recent piece of art that I posted up on my Steam page`s Artwork section for Shadow of War:
steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net…
Feel free to comment on it here on this journal entry.

I can only thank everything that as a counterbalance to this negativity, I`m still in contact with my irl acquaintances and thus still having a possibility in finding a good job outside the voluntary one and still keeping my voluntary job as a gardener of a small urban garden that is located at the edge of my home city. Sure, I`m still not getting cash out of it, but that doesn`t mean I`m not getting anything out at all, since people there are really nice and are all too willing to recommend me to other gardens once I feel like enough time passed on gathering experience and start to actually go out there in order to get an actual job that wouldn`t doom me to a lifetime of boredom and being abused as the cheap work force just because of my age (as well as other people seeing me as extremely immature because of the same thing as well, since well ... it tends to happen when you`re being around younger people and especially little kids, which is my case completely thanks to being friends with many mothers even irl).

So yeah, as I enter age 24 for the 1st time (aka today is my B-Day) in my life (as well as last time) and I get 1 year closer to death, I honestly hope that things won`t remain as stale as they were in previous years and that my effort in job-searching will bear fruit sooner or later, even if I might never finish up any higher-degree schooling because of financial problems (and even if that effort is pretty much wasted on videogames, as some of you would like to say) and that being seen in my dreams as well, via symbolism of course, but still being seen. Kind of makes me understand why some people choose to end it waaay before their time to depart this world had come. You definitely can get tired of life and frankly, I`m already well down on that road, but it`s for the sake of all of you people that are in here, still watching my art and chatting with me, that I still persist in being here ... and for that, I`m seriously grateful already, since you guys show that there is definitely more to life than just dull and stale process of ups and downs.

So ... thank you, all of you, for being the main reason that I`m still here and will continue to be for as long as my physical body (that is hating itself so much, it`s attacking itself, literally) can endure. 9th bDay cAndle 4 dA :bow: revamped :bow:2 rvmp :bow: revamped 9th bDay cAndle 4 dA 

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Welp, just going here to tell you this

6 min read

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I wish you all fine ladies and gentlemen, lurkers, pals, fandom-users, gamers and pretty much everyone on the Internet that is good and likes to make people`s day a sweet and healthy Happy New Year of 2018!

Terribly sorry that I still didn`t reply to many messages and checked many images (as well as made them) because real life is really busy here and I`m mostly active on other websites, thus this account is becoming more of a backup-one than anything else. No worries, like the tagline says, I`m still here and no matter how long might I miss, I promise you all to return from time to time to check what you guys posted up and wrote up for both other people and myself. ^^

Stay safe, stay great and continue fighting for what is good and right in this world! As this AMAZING journal skin shows, a lone star might be underwhelming, but a group of them makes up a constellation and a crazy-lot of them makes up a galaxy. ;)

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My home in a horror-dimension - a dream journal

6 min read
I know, I know, I didn`t write a journal in MONTHS by now, but what could I even write about in the 1st place aside the reason for my absence and my lack of doing arts before this dream gave me an excuse? Most of you already know about my own efforts in making a living as well as searching wth to do with my life in next years, as I`ve told some of you already (like warrior1944) and thus repeating all of this again would be kind of void. With this out of the way, let`s just jump over to the dream, which took place in my home apartment in its entirety (at its newest renovation with new wardrobes and having the main living room be all open instead of being like a passageway made of old wardrobes like it used to be) and which is I`m not able to provide you actual images of the place because privacy ... just images on how things might have looked like when I saw them. People with nightmares and night-terrors like TheBlackNova and shadowNmichael, I hope this doesn`t give you some bad memories.

The start of the dream was actually kind of rushed because as soon as it started, I saw myself wearing a cream yellow jacket, black pants and purple shoes immediately rush across the entrance door and not just close them, but also lock them both via regular lock and crude deadbolt. The rest of my family was already preparing themselves to sleep (since apparently it was 11-something p.m. shown on the digital clock we have by the computer system and the windows showed my backyard at night, illuminated by streetlight ... like usual), but my dad, once I rushed in, asked me what`s happening. I didn`t answer at first, only taking a peek through the spyhole, which at first didn`t show anything unusual (just a regular hallway), but once I moved away briefly and then looked through the peephole again, I then saw the hallway turn into a decrepit disgusting version of itself that resembled a mix between this Haunted Hallway by Cybergooch and a swampy area-version of this with filth oozing from the ceiling before it promptly turned into the original version of itself again, only this time with the "endless mirror" effect, like here and going on like in this gif: media.giphy.com/media/i8D7ndMW… , only gradually faster and faster. At this point, I fully turned my attention towards my dad (the kitchen light was on) and said this:
"Now none of us should go out for as long as this night lasts. Our home is located in a horror-dimension where we`re but mere "guests" now and I fully suspect that soon its "inhabitants" will return home as well. We must make sure that we`re hiding via sleeping at this point because if not, then they`ll see us."
At this point the dream blinked black and in the next scene, I just woke up, the clock showing between 2 and 3 a.m. and both my dad as well as my bro sleeping. When I looked through the window from my med (which is actually the top one of the bunk bed), I only saw inky darkness without any light, like in here and when I looked towards the direction of the kitchen, I saw that there was no light coming from there ... like there is a door in a way (which there actually isn`t irl). I slowly came down from the top of the bunk bed, careful not to wake anyone up and slowly I went towards the black door, being careful.
Opening them, I suddenly saw myself ... or rather the back of what seemed to be my literal doppelganger, sitting down on a stool resembling this one , only it was black-colored and as soon as I saw myself, I immediately knew who was she: she was my literal murder-instinct! I froze in place, petrified from terror, as this doppelganger of me slowly lift her head up ...
... then suddenly she turned around and  looked right at me, being a complete copy of me, only her eyes were wide, had no irises (aka they were pure white) and pupils were literally pin-pricked, resembling Jeff the Killer`s murder-eyes. Her facial expression was that of pure psychosis and she was ready to literally lunge at me like a wild animal and tear my throat out.

Immediately after seeing this, I suddenly opened my eyes and woke up irl, being absolutely shocked and still stiff from terror. Thank the light that the irl clock showed 5:47 a.m. and that I could again see the backyard illuminated by streetlights when I looked through the window. Maybe it was still night and my family was still asleep, but I was still more than grateful that this thing didn`t go any further ... and I still am even after writing this down. I bloody know already that I`m fully capable of going murder-happy because I woke up feeling like this once and only thanks to my sheer willpower I managed to curb this murderous side of me down before anything could happen ... and this dream/nightmare only proves it further, which makes me scared of what I might do if I`m pushed far enough. :stare: :stare: :stare: :stare: :stare: :stare: :stare:
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You guys still remember Chimney Sweep Mario post?

2 min read
It was this one dreamer-in-shadows.deviantart.… and it actually got its own piece of fan art as well, done by amazing TheBlackNova here (which cracked me up even more):
It's-a Me! by TheBlackNova

Well, the reason why I mentioned it is because now it has an update, in form of a sewer pipe cleaner (aka a person that cleans the outsides of sewer pipes - outsides because my bloody home street has been dug up AGAIN, this time to fix some pretty jarring mistakes with the piping that were left last time they were renovating it) I saw just minutes ago that, no joke, looks like a bloody carbon copy of Markiplier. :stare: :stare: :stare: Seriously, get Markiplier into work attire and you`ll get the sewer pipe cleaner I saw walk around just minutes ago.

Sometimes I just cannot even. But hey, I also don`t mind ... kinda, since that is one way for life to add a big dose of humor in. :D
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Moved on from here to Discord and Steam by Dreamer-In-Shadows, journal

As another year of my life passes by Dreamer-In-Shadows, journal

Welp, just going here to tell you this by Dreamer-In-Shadows, journal

My home in a horror-dimension - a dream journal by Dreamer-In-Shadows, journal

You guys still remember Chimney Sweep Mario post? by Dreamer-In-Shadows, journal